A highly intelligent lady once confided in me how she was able to pull herself out of a major life overhaul that lead her to be flat ass broke and in dire straits. She said the single most crucial move she made was to simply make a list. Her list consisted of very basic necessities...job, house, security. Today that lady has everything she could want or need. I took her advice, made myself a list consisting of one thing- "get a job", and low and behold I got myself a job. Now I need to think outside the job. I need to expand the list. Not because I want more shit, mind you. Accumulating stuff makes my skin crawl. I wouldn't go so far as to say I have claustrophobia. Being in small or cramped spaces doesn't freak me out...unless the items in the space keep moving around. My boys make sure every item in every space of every room never...stays...put. That's one of their purposes in life- to make sure that I am always putting things back where they go. The more stuff we acquire, the more I have to put back. So, when I say I want to add to the list...I ain't talking about more crap to fill my house. You could argue that there is one item on my list that comes close to being a want but trust me, it is definitely a need...and OK kind of a want. So, I suppose this is my New Year's Resolution type list...only I don't expect to attain all of these goals within this year.

1. Knit More- This year I got a whopping one teacher present that wasn't candy and it was a good one! Gift certificate to a yarn shop. My tremor makes it impossible to knit but the repetition calms me. I need more shit that calms me. Knitting it is.

2. Learn Math- pretty vague and all encompassing....that's because I need to be better in all areas of Math. No one wants a Math teacher that's a big fucking dumb dumb.

3. Blog- Notice I didn't write "Blog More". That's because I don't blog at all these days. I've written a ton of entries that I haven't published. For some reason I've always felt like I had to polish every entry before I publish it. I'm not writing a fucking novel nor do I have any sponsors so who the fuck cares? Typing is so much easier for me (again, because of the tremor) and it's important for me to reflect on whatever. So, I need to write more. Not writing that's poetic and shit. Just writing. Just to get it out of my head. Incomplete sentences and all;)

4. Buy and USE a God Damn Planner- I have four children. It it ridiculous that I do not utilize a freaking planner to keep all our shit straight. I have a bit of a disorganization issue, I'll admit. That extends to my scheduling abilities. Many a missed appointments. I rock the dry erase wall calendar. Fill that baby up with appointments and play dates and performances and birthdays...then I never look at it once...or the 5 year old erases the entire thing (true story...he was beaming with such pride I couldn't be mad at him).

5. Save for a House- When I got divorced I dreamed big pretty daydreams about how awesome it was going to be to not own a house anymore. No responsibilities. No headaches. If shit breaks, ya just call the landlord. Well, real life didn't turn out to be quite that pretty of a picture. It's actually rather humiliating to have your landlord walk through, what you believed to be, your house as if you're a trespassing slob. We need to not feel that way in our home. No one needs to feel that way...ever. All I want is a simple little house. Nothing fancy...something small, comfy, no granite shit, no stainless steel...just enough room for me and the boys to be happy. Saving money will prove to be tricky since we spend every last dime of my salary every month. Some months we are in the hole. It's possible I will need to get a weekend job. If that's what needs to happen, then that's what I will do. I thought getting a job would be impossible. It wasn't. I thought being financially independent would be impossible. It isn't. I need a house. I want a home. Not gonna happen in one year but I WILL begin saving now, one way or another.

So, there. Not a lengthy unattainable set of goals, really. I accomplished one thing from the list simply by writing this entry. Fuckin' A. Happy New Year.