Single Dad Laughing, recently inspired me to write about something I've been wanting to get out for a long time. In his awesome blog, Dan has been vocal about being bisexual and his recent post spelled out how difficult it has been for him to come to terms with reactions to his bisexuality. He focused on how frustrating it was that people expected him to "pick a side".
In my case I feel frustrated by the fact that people assume just because I'm with a man I am no longer "into women". This offends me because the love I've had for women in my past is deeply important to me. When you suggest that I've chosen men or chosen women you're implying that the past relationships I've had didn't mean anything. That, right there, is insulting.
I'm willing to bet the stigma is the same for men who are bi. If you're with a man, then everyone assumes you've given up on women. If you're with a woman, then everyone assumes you've given up on men.
As if it were that simple. I am with a man...a great man. I adore him and I can honestly say he's the first man I've been able to connect with emotionally and physically. Before him I was only able to accomplish one or the other with men. Anyway, I love being with him to the point where I'm completely satisfied...but does that mean that the women I've been with meant nothing? Hell, no.
I've loved and been loved by some wonderful men and women. Being bisexual by definition means being romantically attracted to both males and females. I'd be lying if I denied missing one sex while solely with the other. It's confusing and frustrating to be "playing for both teams". There have been many times when I thought I was done with men...and just as many time when I thought I was done with women, for that matter. In the end, though, I had to admit to myself that there are aspects of being with either gender that I love and...not so much love.
Of course, I know to some the whole concept of bisexuality isn't easy to understand. Hell, I've known since the 4th grade that I had feelings for both and it's STILL hard for ME to sort through. The people that love me don't mean to offend me. I know this.
As Dan pointed out, there are those who assume being bi means ya just haven't decided which ya wanna be with yet. Such a silly assumption. I am a 38 year old woman with 4 children. Pretty damn sure at this point in my life I can safely say I'm neither straight nor gay. It isn't a decision about which gender. It's a decision about which person. The amazing person I've chosen to be with is attentive and loving and understanding and supportive....and yes, he's a man.
The fact that I haven't written a post about proclaiming my bisexuality until now is in no way to be taken to mean that I'm ashamed of or aloof about who I am. Dan put it perfectly, I love who I am. There's such an extraordinary freedom that comes with the ability to love whomever I want. Freedom to love the person, not the gender.
Lucky little lady.
I have no idea how I got so lucky or why I get to be this way but I am SO very grateful. Grateful for this heart. Grateful for the chance to experience the depth of just how intense and beautiful love can be felt. Lucky lucky lucky.